therabidwombat

Respond to this post yelling "Words!" and I'll give you five words that remind me of you, then you have to explain what they mean to you.

From Mel:

Books
Games
Optimism
Adventure
Acceptance

Books: My favorite medium, because on the one hand, the artist and the reader get to share so much, yet at the same time, each person who reads a book gets an experience that is uniquely theirs. Unfortunately, this makes them a bit harder to share.

Games: A medium with much potential but that has not yet reached it's peak as an art form. I hope to do new things while making games, but these days rarely feel like playing other peoples.

Optimism: You can control your mood more than you realise, and you can look at things from any number of possible ways. Look the positive way, and it actually becomes positive.

Adventure: One of the best feelings in the world, but also the most frightening, I hope to have many.

Acceptance: The easiest way to accept people is to understand that almost everyone serves their own interests first, even if they are generous, kind people. Once I came to that conclusion, people were actually a lot easier to accept strangely. That, and differences are wonderful things and should not be reasons for exclusions.

I have too many ideas. In the past few months I came up with an album I want to write (I don't know how to write music, nor am I good at playing any instruments, but I want to do it anyways), a TV-show I'd be interested in writing (as someone who doesn't watch TV, that's the one that surprises me most), another iPhone game to make, and then ANOTHER iPhone game to make, plus a novel I want to write. In short - much like my interest in books and CDs - I come up with the desire to make something new before I have a chance to finish the last thing I started, and am always behind. =D

I am not religious, but I still feel very grateful for the things in my life.

1) A girl who I love very much who also loves me very much, as we approach four years.
2) A mutual best-friend relationship that is beneficial to both of us
3) A career path that offers me flexibility and that I would do for free
4) Hobbies that bring me much joy and low stress, financial or otherwise
5) A lifestyle that leaves me with plenty of freedom
6) A great family

I don't really know what more one could ask for out of life.

Nothing has changed yet, but I want to mark today as a turning point. It feels like things are going to be different after today. If they really are or not is up in the air.

Castle Conflict is in the itunes app store now!

Slightly more details

Cross Posting from my public blog:

http://unobservedmusings.blogspot.com/2009/03/iphone-game-design-getting-it-right.html

I bought an iphone almost two weeks ago. I got the 16 GB one because I knew that even though I didn't plan on putting my entire music library on it, 8 GB wouldn't be enough. It was quite pricey, especially after just purchasing a mac less than a week prior. But I needed it for iphone development and I needed a new phone (my old phones batteries die after < 5 minutes talking), so I finally caved and got a new phone. AND a contract, which I didn't have with my old phone.

So far I actually really love it. I never really wanted any of the funky features it has but now that I have them, I love them.

I was going to type more but I got distracted and forgot about this post entirely, so I'll leave it at that for now.

I'm really looking forward to every day in the next 3 months.
And I think that's the way it should be.

Reading LJ entries by my 16 year old self reminds me that when I was 16, I complained a lot. And how much it sucked to me that I didn't have enough computer time to write games and talk on msn.

Seriously, it feels like the only things I talked about was how I didn't get onto the computer to write computer games and talk on msn. It's a very limiting view of who I was at that time.

Then again, now I barely write entries. I hope that I write about varied enough subjects that, when I look back at this in 5 years, I don't think to myself, "jeez, all I ever talked about was Yes."

That is all.

My mother called me today while I was shaving, but I missed it, and when I picked up my cell phone, I had the text, "please call me when you have a few minutes". I had an instinctive gut feeling I knew what the call was about as I hit the send button to dial back to her, quickly running to my cell phone charger because I'm in desperate need of either a new phone or a new battery.

"Hey hon," she said to me when she picked up the phone. "Where are you?"
"I'm at home," I answered, guessing that she would want to know why I hadn't picked up the phone.
"Why didn't you pick up the phone when I called a few minutes ago?" she asked me.
"I was shaving," I told her.
"Oh? Going somewhere?"
"No, I was just a hairy beast, and it was uncomfortable."
"Ah, a hairy beast." Moment of silence. "Mike wants to know where you are shaving."
I stopped for a moment as I tried to think of something that I could say to that that would be clever and / or amusing, but could think of nothing that I felt was appropriate to say to my mother, so I said, "My face."
"Your face. Ah."

That was about all the preamble I got before she told me the news.

King, Mike's (my stepdad's) dog, had something happen to his neck. They managed to get him to the vet in time for them to diagnose it as a disc shifting. He was unable to move or do anything for himself. If he had got to the vet much later, he would have been dead by the end of the night, but they managed to get him to the vet in time.

This was weeks ago, and by the time mom called me and told me this, King was on the road to recovery. She had even invited Berni and I to come see him at the hospital, and I told her when Berni didn't work, since Berni works evenings on days when she does. Somehow, since then, we didn't talk, but I had the thought that one day I should call her up and visit King. Not last weekend, I thought, because I had to finish my NaNoWriMo. Not Monday or Tuesday, because I worked too late. It would have to be this weekend, I thought. Maybe Sunday, after I try and convince Berni to decorate our tiny Christmas tree with me.

But it seems that something happened to King on Tuesday, and although the doctors don't know what it was, he suddenly wasn't able to breathe for himself. On Wednesday, Mom and Mike made the decision to have him put down.

This is what I had expected to hear and it had very little impact on me. I had half expected it after she told me about King the first time. I tried my best to feel sad but I couldn't. There was nothing to feel sorrow for. King had lived a long and happy life, and he was in a better place.

And that's the way it would have gone, except my mom knows me, and she told me that she hadn't told me about King until today because she wanted me to have the weekend to deal with it, instead of trying to deal at work. And as I thought to myself that it wouldn't have been that hard, that I was tough and could move on easily, that I was strangely low on emotion and should be feeling more, I asked her how Maggie, our other dog, was.

"Maggie is okay," Mom said. "She's doing surprisingly well. She's stupid, though, Mike says. She gets confused some times and looks for him."

It was that start that allowed me to start feeling the release. I find death usually to be sadder because of the way that it effects those who live on, over the death of the person who died. Thinking about poor Maggie, looking for her brother who she had had for 9 years, and the miracle that she had been the dog expected to die first, since she was almost 5 by the time we got King, started something inside of me.

We talked a little bit, and she told me it was okay to cry, but I still didn't feel more than a sorrow welling up inside. Until, that is, she told me that in Spring, they're going to take his ashes and bury him underneath his favorite tree out in Radium. That was the final point. I could not get the picture in my head of King, alive and well, always a puppy although more easily tired as he got on in his years, such a pretty dog that strangers always commented on how pretty he was and asking to pet him, barking at the squirrel out at the trailer in Radium. Even though I'd been going to that trailer for years beforehand, the dogs somehow built themselves into that identity.

There was a little bit of talk after that, me asking how everyone was doing - Chris my brother doesn't know yet and I can't say anything on facebook until mom talks to him, and Mike wouldn't talk about it. Mom's doing okay but she cried through most of the phone call, which I think helped my own tears. I couldn't talk for part of it because I knew if I did I would sob, and even though I wanted to, I didn't want to.

I still have to tell Berni. She's going to be heartbroken.

"He was like your hairy brother," my mom told me. "He'll always be your Shkevikidy boy" (I no longer remember why I called him that, other than that Shkevikidy evolved from squeaky over years). When she said those things, I was finally able to feel sorrow for myself, for the dog that, despite being a cat person, I had loved, who I had always enjoyed playing with, who I had run with when he was a puppy and we went for walks, who I always walked when we went for walks, partially because he poops (pooped...) less than Maggie and partially because he had more energy, who in his earlier year couldn't wouldn't give more than a kiss or two at a time but as he got older started giving more and more.

I talk a tough game when it comes to death. It doesn't matter to me, I tell others and myself, except for on a personal level. And while that's true, while I view death as a fact of life to be fair and have accepted it, that does not make the pain of loss any less real.

It made me think though, it really made me think. I never once looked at King and though to myself, "He's going to be gone on day, and I am already afraid for that day, and will treasure this moment because I don't know when that day is." For some reason, that thought never crossed my head, even after mom told me that he had a disc shift in his neck. But I look at my cat, Katie, all the time and worry about the time in the future when she's going to be gone. I have for years - I never thought she'd live to be as old as she is. She's almost 15 years old, and I never thought she'd live past 12, being as fat as she is. She seems as well as ever but she, too will be gone one day and although I've accepted that, it does not make my fear of that day any less real. But King dying hit me so hard...I can only imagine how hard it's going to hit me when my cat dies.

I did decide one thing while on the phone with my mother, and that is that I hope that she dies before I does. She was so sad over the loss of the dog - he truly was part of the family. What would it be like if Chris or I was lost to her? I don't want to think about that. For now, the bunch of us are all still alive, sans one dog - that will not be the case forever, and I have to remember to never take them for granted.

One of the sorrows I felt was that lopi, who knew me so well, better than almost anyone, will never know King, will never meet him. Is that strange? That I was said that they would never meet?

I thought I would get to say goodbye.
I'm not even sure when the last time I saw him was. I think it was August.

Goodbye, Kingo. You will be missed. You were loved, and you were a great 'hairy brother'. I hope that, whatever is on the otherside, and I'm not even going to ponder on what it could or could not be, it is not cruel to you.
( pictures )

As of Sunday, I have completed my second NaNoWriMo novel.

It was super tough. I was writing pretty much all weekend, except for Saturday night where I had to stop to meet Berni and her friends for secret santa / and I had a headache from writing all day. Sunday I was writing until 4:00 pm, to finish just under the wire.

I am pretty pleased with how it turned out this year, and I think that writing like Guy Gavriel Kay (whose voice I tried to emulate this year) worked better for me than trying to write like Sharon Kay Penman, because his involvement in little details is closer to the way my brain works than Sharon Kay's very high-level skipping years at a time view. And more suited to the kind of story I enjoy writing, which is more character based.

Anyways, for those interested in reading it, drop me a line and I shall send it to you via e-mail.



...


And, other than that, Fable II is an addictive, although somewhat buggy game (although what can you expect from a game that large? None of the bugs are game-breaking, and I guess that's what you really hope for). Berni and I have sunk a huge amount of hours into it already since Kurtis gave it to me for my bday, including too many during the month of NaNoWriMo. XD

And, it's Christmas season! I'm excited for Berni's and my first Christmas living together. We have a tiny Christmas tree that I bought for $8 the first time we lived together right now, and it makes me feel festive even without decorations. I want to put up some lights on the balcony this weekend perhaps. Also, I want to do something Christmas-y with her.

I haven't decided what I'm going to get her for Christmas. She doesn't have much money for presents so I'm thinking of possibly just stuffing a stocking for her with little bits and pieces I think she'd like. It'll actually be fun. That's kinda close to what I did for her for her bday this year though. We shall see.

Other than that, tonight I am going to cook dinner, which I haven't done for a while, I am excited to get back into cooking. I'm thinking of making burgers. Berni says she doesn't want to eat but usually when she gets home she's hungry anyways so I imagine that she will have one one way or another.

I'm almost done A Song for Arbonne by Guy Gavriel Kay, it's a great book. People who pay attention to what I read may have noticed that he's probably my favorite find I've made since high school, although Sharon Kay Penman is a close second. Yes.

I want a bigger fake Christmas tree but don't know where to put it. I also ordered yes cds from HMV but they still haven't shown up. I'm definitely ordering through chapters next time. They show up in a week there, according to the stations in the booth. You can order anything, books, CDS, it's great. I'm in love with Chapters right now because of that. A week isn't that long to wait and it makes you avoid impulse buys, which is awesome.

Work is awesome. Lots of foosball lately. I suck pretty bad at it though. Danger and Greg have a strong competition going that rivals the one Nathan and I had at chess way back in high school, or the competitive spirit that Kurtis and I had at video games. I just can't muster that kind of competitiveness anymore; lopi rubbed off on me too much, and I prefer just playing for the fun of it.

That is all.

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it, it gives forth a sound
Its got wires that vibrate and give music
What can this thing be that I found?

See how it sings like a sad heart
And joyously screams out its pain
Sounds that build high like a mountain
Or notes that fall gently like rain

I cant wait to share this new wonder
The people will all see its light
Let them all make their own music
The priests praise my name on this night

I post these lyrics because, as of Sunday, October 19th [yesterday], I own a guitar. My dad got it for me as a birthday present and it is quite nice. There will be pictures, but not now because I am quite tired.

As for those lyrics, if you do not recognise them, they are from 2112: Overture/The Priests of Syrinx by Rush, which is a most excellent tune. It does clock in far beyond most songs though, at about 20 minutes, with 7 movements in it (the part above is from movement three). I would recommend it to anyone who has the patience for 20 minute prog rock gold however. Or to rush fans.

For those too lazy to listen to a 20 minute song but whose curiosity was piqued by the lyrics, here's the full lyrics: Lyrics .

For those who weren't too lazy, here's a youtube video you can listen to (actually, the song is split into three youtube videos, for the convenience of being relative to the lyrics posted, this is part 2:)

And, for those interested, parts 1 and 3...

Part 1
part 3

Legend of the Seeker Promo Shots

Nicely enough, it starts Nov 1st/2nd, so if I decide to watch it then, it's right after deadline time at work. xD

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
A: Stephen needs to complete his assigned readings

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
A: stephen looks like a game show host and his hood string is tickling my face

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
A: Stephen Says is a fun edutainment game for all the family.

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
A: Stephen wants to know if Kevin Costner is a Hollywood leftie liberal pinko Commie.
o.O


Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
A: Stephen Does his hair
(but not very well or very often)

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
A: stephen hates software
My life is ruuuuuined!

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search:
A: Stephen asks Jason Bond if his spider would win in a fight with Neil Young's spider.
Neil Young's spider would totally kick james bonds' spiders' ... thorax?

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
A: Stephen goes out for Chinese and things get ugly
Everyone else was upset that I ate all the ginger beef...

Q: Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:
A: Stephen likes the way they move


Q: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
A: Stephen Eats Your Candy

Q: Type in "[your name] wears" in Google search:
A: Stephen wears a cone to keep him from chewing on his wrist
it's itchy..


Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Stephen was arrested for evangelistic activities and expelled from the country.
Because I are so religious!

Having an XBox has allowed me to get NaviBlast up and running on it, and I'm now working on making things work better and fixing bugs. It's pretty good, and hopefully things will be going quicker on that front soon.

Meanwhile, the XBox has also distracted me with these darned things called Video Games. I've been playing Braid, Portal, and Half Life 2 on it, although I beat both Braid and Portal yesterday. Portals ending was really cool, while Braids was cool but confused the heck out of me.

Work is going good, I'm actually sort of working from home right now, just for the fun of it - that's how you know you have a good job. I'm listening to the new Swimfail album at the same time - Joe released it last night! It's pretty good stuff. I recommend you go download it. It actually has a pretty neat theme going throughout. Go for it!

In other music, I bought a new Genesis CD a week ago, and while I've listened to it about 10 times since then, it's actually prompted me to start listening to Duke again, which was a Genesis CD I was obsessed with earlier this year at about the same time I was obsessed with The Yes Album by Yes. This time, I think I've almost uncovered a coherent-ish plot to the album, which I missed the first time. Pretty neat stuff.

Berni and I ate out together last night, that was fun. She's actually sleeping atm and I'm still in my Pajamas. I may be going for a bike ride with Collin from work later today, but if not maybe Berni and I will do something. Or maybe not; she was out with her new friend Fern yesterday so I dunno if she's gonna want to go out again.

As a final note, I got to play Rock Band 2 on Friday, and although it's very similar to Rock Band 1, it's a lot of fun. I ended up being in the office until almost 9:00 playing it.

That's the life of Stephen! Buena Vista to all.

NAVIBLAST on the XBOX360.
Now playable, as of this morning.
Now to optimise, update saving, and redo interfaces...
then make moneys!!!

The past few weeks since the last post have been pretty intense. After a week of what I feel was hectic action but can't remember why, My mother and I headed out for BC the Friday after I was in Radium (two weekends ago). It was a 12 hour drive to Vancouver, with the intention of picking up all the stuff that i had packed two weeks prior. On the way, some idiot hit and run us. We were okay; I was sleeping at the time, and mom saved our lives. Some idiot in a camper decided to change lanes into our lane without checking to see if we were there, so she had to slam on the breaks so as not to get crushed against the median. Luckily, pretty much all the damage was cosmetic, and some guy raced after the culprit and got his license plate number for us. My mom was so scared she was shaking, but we were okay. We filed a police report, and when we got into Vancouver, met lopi, then went to Metrotown where there was an ICBC place where we could figure out the insurance situation. While mom was doing that, I got to quickly visit Ages and see my old FNM buddies. After that was taken care of, the three of us went to dinner, then headed home. We were up early the next day to pack a few things I had missed and to have IHOP. Lopi left to hang out with a buddy from work after IHOP so mother and I packed the truck and left. Followed with two days of driving (a stop at a very nice hotel, pictures coming later on facebook), we got home early Sunday afternoon and Berni and I proceeded to spend the rest of the day UN-packing.

Between having to get my bike in to the shop and getting ready for camping the following weekend, there was no time to slow down, but on Thursday I just couldn't do it anymore, I just couldn't keep going full out, and I basically crashed...I laid in bed and read all night. I had been waking up tired all week, and feeling sleepy at work, and Friday was the same, but Friday night we went camping and we got to sleep in Satuday and Sunday, and we were active but we also got to relax a lot (Berni took a nap while we watched dogs for mom and Chris while they golfed), and today I feel much refreshed. Unfortunately, Berni seems to have picked up a nasty bug, so hopefully we can take care of that.

And...that's the last two weeks in a nutshell.

Quick LJ entry:

Went to Radium last weekend for the loop the lake Saturday morning, which was a 10K walk partially around Invermere's lake. If anyone has been there, you will know it's a beautiful place. We had nice weather for the walk, and Berni made it the whole way. I was proud of her. Other people who came with us included my mother, my brother, and my brothers girlfriend Caitlin. At the end, my brother and I raced for the finish line, and I just barely beat him by like a second. I BEAT AN ATHLETE! He claims he had to stop or he would have run into a pole. But I still beat him. and we both did the same 10K hike beforehand. So hah!
And then, my favorite part of loop the lake - the pancake breakfast afterwards! Yay pancakes!

We spent the afternoon swimming, although by the end of the day the weather had turned sour. Also by the end of the day, I was sunburned, unfortunately. I didn't realise until that night when we went to the hot springs after having my moms delicious marinated flank steak for dinner. We came back and had 'barbecued cheese cake', which was tasty, although I don't think I ate a full one. I actually don't remember; by then, we were all rather tired. Throughout the course of the day we also fit in a couple games of Carcassone somewhere.

Sunday was much more relaxed; we mostly just were lazy, played DS / read, and visited my grandparents. Mom, Caitlin, and Chris went minigolfing, but Berni and I didn't feel like it.

This coming weekend isn't going to be quite so full of summer fun and excitement. I'm going to my moms place tonight and staying there. I don't work tomorrow. Instead, my mom and I are going into a truck at 6:00 am and driving all the way to Vancouver. That's about a 12 hour drive. The good news is that we get there early enough Friday that lopi and I may be able to go for the bike ride we missed when I was in town last! The unfortunate news is that the next day we get to spend packing boxes into the truck, and then driving back to Calgary, which we probably won't finish Saturday so we finish it Sunday. So this weekend, except for a small bike ride break, is likely all packing and driving. I definitely owe my mom a bunch for spending 12 hours in a truck two ways to help me get my stuff back to Calgary cheaper.

And then I guess that's it. I'm out of BC. I gotta get my stuff organised here...this place is already a mess because we don't have storage to put anything in, and suddenly we're gonna have about 30 boxes more worth of stuff. It should be interesting. Hopefully I can bring some of my furniture with me though.

Speaking of which, I don't know when berni and I are going to have our next chance to do that. The weekend after we're back out in Radium for some weekend camping, or else in a cabin...I keep forgetting to mention the cabin to her. I should just forward her the e-mail so she can decide. I think Radium will win but who knows.

The weekend after there's talk of camping with a guy from work before the summers out, and in honesty, I was hoping to get to Vancouver to camp with lopi next month...so the idea of when we're going to have a weekend where we can just go to ikea or something seems to be some time off. And by the time that weekend occurs, it may have been 6 weeks since I had a weekend at home, so who knows if I'm even going to want to get off of my lazy behind.

Anyways, I have to get ready for work. We'll see how things go.

This computer is blocking my friends page as 'unsafe' with parental controls.

Quick update. We don't have 'net so my only free 'net access is at the mall, for 10 minutes at a time. Our apartment is coming along very quickly though - we already have most of the furniture we want, other than a desk and a bed. A futon pretends to be a bed and a table pretends to be a desk, so we're making due. We've got several very good deals on furniture and the like. Work is good, I'm enjoying it a lot, and it seems like it could be extended to real full time instead of a contract. Calgary has great weather right now, and we've already eaten out like 4 or 5 times in the two weeks I've been here. XD

More detailed updates are probably forthcoming, but I just wanted to let people know that I'm doing fine.

PS. I have no clue what's going on with anyone on LJ atm because I haven't got a chance to check my friends page in 2 weeks. So hope everything is well with everyone!